If You Love Her You Let Her Go
by oliviahotchner
Summary: First on our December Gifts - Mark had never heard that tone in her voice before, that need and that yearn, and the fact that it was because of a man who lived over three hundred thousand miles away made his chest ache. ONESHOT. Based on 11x19. Written for Ana.


**A/N: And here is the first of our December gifts! This one is very special, because it is dedicated to my best friend, Ana. She doesn't have an account but she always reads my works and gives me her opinion before I post anything and when I decided to do this thing, I couldn't not write something especially for her.**

 **The next one will be posted in two or three days, I think, because I should've posted this earlier this week but work didn't let me.**

 **I hope you guys enjoy this, it is based on 11x19. I'm sorry for any errors.**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own anything.**

IF YOU LOVE HER YOU LET HER GO

"No!" Emily gasped breathlessly as she sat on the bed, waking up from another nightmare. The images of Agent Garner laying on the mattress, covered with blood, eyes terrified, knowing she wouldn't make it and scared of what was waiting for her, begging for help, crying, helpless, haunted her ever since that fateful day. She had already lost count of how many times she had had the same nightmare, scaring her, taking her sleep, her peace and her sanity.

Mark sighed as he woke up with the sound of his girlfriend's scream, again. "You had the same dream? Again?" He asked already knowing the answer. His chest tightened at the sight of her tears and he wanted nothing more but to help her somehow, to take these memories away, to bring her peace back. "Baby, you can't keep going like this… you should see a counselor…" He suggested already knowing the way she would react.

"I'm fine…" She said dismissively and he sighed, shaking his head.

"Yeah, that's what you always say…" He said sadly, knowing all her tells already.

"Go back to sleep…" Emily said, leaning down to brush her lips on his before getting up from the bed and walking to the bathroom, closing the door behind her.

Mark stared at the closed door for a few moments before laying back on the mattress and sighing heavily. He should be used to it now. He should've known better than to wait for her to open herself to him, talking about everything that was hunting her. He should've known her better.

It had taken over a year for him to manage to get through her barriers and get any hope of starting something between them, and even now, ten months later, she still hadn't open herself to him truly. He could see in her eyes every time she brushed his worries off or avoided to speak about a particular issue, it was like she was with him and wasn't at the same time.

He was patient, though. Ever since he laid his eyes on her when she first stated at the Interpol's office he was infatuated by her beauty, her warm smile and her big brown eyes, always so expressive and telling. And with time, when he got to know her better, his feelings only got stronger and deeper, as he got to know her strength, her selflessness, her moral and her focus on doing her job right, honoring her oaths and always putting the others' needs above her owns.

He fell for her. Hard. Each day he watched her, observed her working, talking, leading her team so beautifully and strongly, he fell for her. He knew he would never have a chance with her as long as they worked together so he surprised her by asking for a transfer to another department and a little over a month later, he asked her out for lunch.

He would never forget the look on her face when he asked her out. He honest to God thought he was going to get punch on the face or get shot on his junk. She told him she couldn't because she had a meeting, which he knew for sure it didn't exist, and avoided him completely for the next two or three weeks. He didn't give up, of course, and invited her out again, this time for dinner. She accepted this time, but before he could blink she had two other agents agreeing with the idea and his 'date' turned into a night out with friends at the usual pizza place.

He thought about giving up, clearly seeing that she wasn't interested in him that way, but no matter how much he tried, he couldn't get her out of his mind. It'd been Clyde who made him keep pursuing her, saying that he shouldn't give up because that was the way she was, always guarded and mistrustful, and he had to really try to be able to get her walls down and have any hope of achieving anything with her.

He did it, then.

He started with sending flowers to her, never at work, because he knew she would definitely hate this kind of unprofessionalism; he'd send her emails, asking how she was doing, appraising her work at some particular task, complimenting her looks, making sure that she knew how much he admired her and how beautiful she was. She never gave him any hope, always brushing off his comments and even asking him to stop sending gifts because she thought it was creepy.

That routine continued for over a year and at some point she confronted him about his actions, asking when he was going to give up, because she clearly had shown already that she wasn't interested. And he simply smiled at her and said he wasn't going to give up, and he knew it was creepy, really bordering stalking, but he was completely head over heels for her and he had hope that she did feel something for him because he could see in her eyes sometimes the way she seemed to want but was scared or unsure.

That night he finally took her out on a proper date, in a nice French restaurant, with a walk down a nearby park afterwards. It was tense and awkward and she teased him for being cliché but he shrugged, saying that he had dreamed about that for a very long time and he was damned if he wouldn't do it right.

And by the end of the night he drove her back to her place, walked her up to her door as a proper gentleman and almost had a heart attack at the first touch of her lips with his. It was sweet and almost reverent, entirely perfect and absolutely everything he had dreamed of, and more.

However, even though they had been together from that day on, he didn't stop fighting to get through her walls, each day, at each argument, each time she brushed his worries off, every time she tried to pull away from him. Every time she did that he had to remind himself that she was worth it, she was worth the trouble, worth the effort, worth anything.

Mark closed his eyes as he heard the sound of the faucet being turned on in the bathroom and sighed.

If she could just let him in he would do everything he could to take her pain away. Anything.

/*/*/*/

Emily opened the bathroom door over an hour later, after having some trouble to pull herself together again. It physically hurt not being able to control her emotions, letting her subconscious haunt her like that, taking her peace and her sleep.

She hasn't felt like this ever since she got Sean's call saying that Doyle had escaped. The shivers on her spine, the cold feeling in her skin anytime she thought about his ice blue eyes, staring at her, glaring at her, emanating hate and the need of revenge, all of that fear her from the moment she knew he was after her until a very long time she had seen him lying dead on that floor.

That feeling had made her feel unsafe, paranoid, not able to do the job she loved so much and fought so hard to achieve, making her leave her own home, her friends, her family, her own country, all to escape from that.

She looked at her boyfriend laying on her bed, fast asleep, and sighed at her behavior. She knew that he wanted to help her, she could see in his eyes every time she woke up screaming, anytime he caught her crying over what happened. He was such a good man and he tried so hard to get into her, to pass through her walls, to make her see that he was serious about his love for her.

But she just couldn't. She couldn't open herself to him, she couldn't let him see the demons that she hide under her mask, under her strong facade. She never told him about Doyle. She never told him about Declan. She hadn't even told him a lot about her old team, he only knew their names and some other basic things.

She had never managed to tell him that she loved him.

He told her, every day. Every morning before they leave for work and every night before going to sleep. Also most of the times they speak on the phone and through texts, emails, small notes left when he needs to leave before she wakes up.

He never pressured her to hear it back either. Always just smiling and kissing her after he pronounced the three little words.

She didn't know why she wasn't able to say it, though. She did love him. Not in a deep and passionate way but she did love him and she wanted to be able to say so. But something always held her back, something always made the words get caught on her throat and she just couldn't let them out. It infuriated her but she just couldn't.

So it wasn't really a wonder that she wasn't able to open up to him about her fears and nightmares, even though she knew he would understand because he had been by her side through everything, ever since the beginning of the investigation until the funeral of Agent Garner, supporting her, helping her, just being there for her.

She sighed and walked out of the bedroom, going to the living room. She considered making a pot of coffee but first, she knew Mark would wake up immediately with the smell and second, she didn't want another thing to keep her alert when she just wanted to sleep peacefully.

She was tired of those bad nights, making her all stressed, which leaded to very bad days, in which she just couldn't focus at her job, just staring at the casefile on her desk, reminding her that she let that monster escape, leaving a dead agent behind.

A thought crossed her mind and she looked quickly at the clock before thinking twice. It was over three thirty so it would be an appropriate hour to call to Virginia, but dare she do it? The offer had been made so long ago, for a whole different reason, while she was still his direct responsibility, so it didn't make any sense for her to call him now. But the handful times she had taken up his word and actually come to him about a bad day she had felt a peace that she didn't think it was possible afterwards. The way he listened, the way he understood everything she confined to him, without judgments and questionings, just offering his own thoughts, a word of comfort, something that indeed made her feel better, lighter and at peace.

She never allowed herself to dwell on the reasons why he made her feel that way, completely safe and at easy when no one else in her life had ever made her feel like that. She just drowned herself into the feeling of peace he brought to her and enjoyed, relishing it as much as she could without stopping to think about reasons and explanations.

She closed her eyes and dropped her head on the couch fighting the urge to grab her phone that was at the coffee table. She shouldn't call him, she really shouldn't, especially when there was such incredible man lying on her bed and wanting nothing more than to help her to get through this and it wasn't fair of her to go to another man when he was the one she should open herself to.

But as the memories of Agent Garner bloody body came through her mind again she shivered and grabbed the phone, quickly dialing number four on her speed dial before she could regret of it. Even after three years since she left the BAU she still had him in her speed dial, even though she had only called him three times in that time.

"Hotchner." His voice came through the line after the second ring and she closed her eyes, hating herself at the wave of calmness that floated through her body as she heard him. "Hello? Emily, is that you?" He asked and she sighed heavily, blinking back a few tears before being able to answer him.

"Hi… I'm sorry… is it a bad time?" She asked in a quiet voice and she could almost hear him frowning through the phone.

"No, it's not… we're having a quiet day, just paperwork. Is everything okay? You don't usually call me…" He asked confused and she sighed again, closing her eyes tightly to keep the tears at bay.

"It's nothing… it's just… do you remember our deal?" She asked hesitantly.

"Of course I do. It is still valid if you're wondering…" He answered promptly and there was such warmth in his voice that Emily couldn't prevent a small sob from leaving her lips and a couple of tears from falling. "Talk to me, Emily…" He prompted her calmly and she let out a shuddering breath before speaking again.

"I'm having a really bad day. A bunch of really crappy days, actually…" She said.

"What happened?" He asked and she prepared herself to tell him.

"A few months ago we start working on a case of a series of murders, in which the killer was coping famous serial killers…" She told him the whole case, from the beginning of the investigation until the undercover operation where the agent was killed and the unsub escaped from Emily. "I told her she should take the offer, Hotch. I said we needed more women in positions of power and that it would be a good thing for her career… I sent her there and I wasn't able to protect her when I should've… I let him escape from under my nose and now she's dead and he's still out there…" She was crying by now.

"She had a choice, Emily. You didn't force her into anything… she could've said no… she chose to participate in this and unfortunately things didn't go as planned but you can't blame yourself for this. It was the unsub's fault. He's the one to blame on this, not you. You only did your job, the best you could…" Hotch said firmly as he heard her sniffing through the line.

"But it was _my_ profile, Hotch. It was my responsibility and I should've known that he wouldn't fall for a trap, I should've known that we wouldn't be fast enough, I should've known…" She said and the older profile closed his eyes with a sigh at her despair. He remembered all the times he felt that same despair when they were working on Foyet's case and how he blamed himself for all the victims he made because it was his responsibility and he had failed in catching him. And he remembered one time when Emily had told him that he shouldn't hold that guilt on himself because it belonged to Foyet and he shouldn't think about what ifs and what could I have done and just continue to do his job the best he could. He remembered how he didn't hear her that time and how he thought she didn't know what she was talking about but with time he understood that she was indeed right, and that he couldn't have prevented Foyet's actions and that he did everything he could.

"Emily. Someone once told me that I shouldn't dwell on what ifs and that I couldn't take the blame of a sociopath's actions. This person told me that every victim and everything bad that happened due to his actions was his and his own fault and that I needed to focus on the fact that I had tried, with everything in me, to stop him. This person told me that sometimes we fail and that even though it completely _sucked_ I needed to stop blaming myself and just raise my head up and keep fighting because I needed my head on the game if I wanted to win." Hotch said and she smiled at his words. "Do you know who told me that?"

"Me." She answered quietly.

"Exactly. It was you. You, Emily Prentiss, told me that what Foyet did and every victim he made was his fault and that I needed to get my shit together if I wanted to catch him, otherwise he would keep slipping through my fingers and I'd never win." He said and she chuckled.

"I never told you to get your shit together…" She said and he chuckled along with her.

"No, but I got the hint. And you were right. You were completely right and I thank you for that because even though I didn't want to hear that back then, now I know that I needed that."

She was silent for a minute and he just waited for her, letting her take her time to get herself together. "I really miss you…" She said quietly after some time and heard his sigh on the other end. "All of you." She added before he could answer.

"We really miss you too. All of us." He answered in a very unlike sweet voice that caused a whole new wave of tears.

"Thank you for answering your phone. I needed that. I didn't know how much I needed that…" She confessed.

"I will always answer my phone, Emily. And I will always do my best to help you, any way that I can…" He said. "If you want, send me the file and I'll give you a different opinion, maybe I can add something on your profile that could help you." He offered and she gasped silently.

"Would you really do that?"

"Anything, Emily. Anything at all…" He answered. They said their goodbyes and she hung up the phone, promising she would send him the file later and keep him posted of any changes on the case. Emily stared at her phone after the over one half hour long phone call and smiled at the feeling of peace that filled her heart for the first time in months. She dropped the phone at the coffee table and lay down on the couch, stiffing a yawn as she closed her eyes, knowing that she would sleep dreamlessly this time.

/*/*/*/

Mark watched as his girlfriend slept peacefully in the couch of her apartment after hanging up the phone. He had woken up when she closed the door after leaving the bedroom, and had followed her to the living room, to try one more time to get through her and have her talking to him about what happened.

But as he approached the living room he heard her voice as if she was talking to someone and frowned, looking at the clock on the wall and seeing it was over three in the morning, too late for her to call anyone.

He waited and listened attentively as she talked to the other person, frowning when she mentioned a deal of some kind and then started talking about the case, relating everything that happened from the start, crying as the other person listened silently. Just at the end of the story she identified the other person, and it took him a handful seconds to identify 'Hotch' as her former boss, Agent Hotchner, which made it even more confusing to him why she had called him.

The time was acceptable because it was the middle of the day in DC, but the fact that she had called him in the middle of the night and started talking about everything that happened, so easily and so frankly, confused him. He didn't remember of her having this kind of contact with her former boss in the year they were together, never have called or skyped or even visited him and her other friends in that period.

It hurt him the way she spoke so freely and opened her heart to a man over three hundred thousand miles away when he was here, by her side, yearning to help her, to listen to her, to be there for her, if she only give him the slightest chance. It hurt him deeply the way she was asking this man for advice, listening to what he was telling her, being open to him in a way he was never able to manage.

The way she whispered that she missed him and that slight hesitation before adding the rest of her team made his chest ache. She'd never used that tone with him. She'd never even used that phrase with him, saying that she had missed him, not even when he spent two weeks in Ireland taking care of his sick grandmother. She barely told him that it was good to have him back and asked him if his grandma was okay.

But that tone, that tone full of yearn and need that she had just used with a man she hadn't see in at least a couple of years, that tone was never used with him. It was fun how that hurt him more than the fact that she had never said that she loved him. Maybe it was because he had hope that she hadn't pronounced the words yet because of fear, because she wasn't used to open herself with anyone. But now he his gut told him that that wasn't the reason. The real reason was because he had never been able to get through her the same way this man had; he had never been able to pass through her barriers, to gain her whole trust, to make into her heart. Not the way this man had.

He listened carefully as she promised to send him the case files and to keep him posted of everything and then she hung up the phone. He waited a few minutes to see if she would get up to go back to the bedroom but she just stayed on the couch and fell asleep easily, with a smile on her face.

Mark watched her for a few moments before sighing heavily and walking back to the bedroom alone. As he lay on the bed he thought about the past year and how he fell in love with that infuriating woman and how he had fought tooth and nail to live that love with her, doing the best he could to show her that she could trust him, that he wouldn't hurt her and he just wanted to make her happy. And he thought about how he learnt that with Emily Prentiss, trust and love were synonymous and you needed to earn the first to be able to get the second.

His gut was telling him now that even though he may had started to earn the first he would never be able to get the second. Not the way that man had managed.

/*/*/*/

The jet was quiet as they headed towards the states. He still couldn't believe that she had actually allowed him to come with her but he certainly wouldn't push his luck. Four weeks after that night, the unsub had attacked again, but this time in American ground. After the first murder Emily immediately called Hotch, this time in front of Mark, and had informed the lead agent of the new development.

He watched as she got furious when the man told her they couldn't start working on the case after just one case and that maybe they would have jurisdiction issues, and he watched amazed as he managed to calm her down and knock some sense on her, assuring her that he would help her with the case but they needed to wait to see if he would strike again, to have more ground to argue with whoever was need to work on the case.

Less than a week later he did attack again and this time the phone call ended with a see you later as she made all the arrangements for their flight to NY. They were less than an hour from landing when her phone rang again and she answered promptly. "Hey."

"Emily, I am sorry but something happened and I won't be able to meet you in NY." Hotch's deep voice spoke through the phone and Emily's face fell.

"What?"

"The team will meet you there and you have Garcia at your disposal for anything you need but I won't be able to join you. My father in law had an episode in front of Jack and he's scared and confused. He knows about his condition but Jess and I always managed to keep him away from any episodes but this time it wasn't possible. Roy didn't recognize him and asked about Haley, accusing Jess from being an impostor because his daughters were just children… anyway, you can imagine how is he…" He explained and she winced in sympathy.

"I am so sorry, Hotch."

"Thank you. And I am really sorry. I hope everything works out good and depending on how long it takes I may even join you guys later…" He said and she smiled slightly, shaking her head.

"Don't worry about that, Hotch. Just worry about Jack and send him a kiss from Aunt Emily…" She said and he chuckled softly.

"Will do. I asked Dave to keep me posted and if you really need a different opinion, please don't hesitate calling me." He said.

"Okay. But your team is the best, even without you…" She answered.

"Our team, Emily. You'll always be part of it..." He said softly and she smiled. "Please be careful. Don't let it get over your head, don't go anywhere without back up and don't try playing hero…" He added.

"Yes, sir." She said and he chuckled softly. "Thank you, Hotch."

"Anytime. Talk later, be careful." He said and hung up the phone.

Mark stared at her silently for a few seconds before clearing his throat. "Is everything okay?"

She nodded at him with a smile. "Yeah. Hotch won't be able to meet us because he had a problem at home with his son. But the team is on their way to meet us…"

Mark just nodded at her and looked out the window as the plane continued its way to New York. He actually wanted to meet Agent Hotchner, to see with his own eyes the interaction between him and his girlfriend, to see if the intimacy he had observed on the phone was just as palpable in person and to see if Emily would have the same expression of joy when she saw him than she had when they spoke on the phone, like he had just watched at the end of that call, even though deep down he already knew the answer.

/*/*/*/

The case was closed. The unsub was dead and they managed to save two of the three girls. Mark and Emily had used the BAU jet along with the team to go back to Virginia because she wanted to spend some time with her friends before going back to London.

The team was indeed just as fantastic as Emily had told him, and they had treated him very well, from the moment they arrived at the station. They were also very good at their job and Mark could see the synchrony in how they worked and especially how Emily seemed to fit perfectly with them, knowing all the quirks and the way the job was done.

Hotchner had called once, after the unsub attacked last in NY, before the team headed to Boston, and it was blatantly obvious how the team respected him completely, all of them, and how he exhaled power and competency without being cocky.

"Do you mind if mind if we head back to London just tomorrow afternoon? The girls invited me for brunch tomorrow to catch up…" He was snapped out of his thoughts with Emily's voice and turned to look at her big hopeful eyes. He just smiled at her softly and shook his head.

"Of course not, baby. You deserve some time with your girlfriends…" He said and she smiled.

"Thank you."

"Do you guys know where we're going for dinner yet?" He asked.

"I was thinking Mexican. In London it isn't the same…" She said and he nodded.

After arriving at the BAU they were attacked by a bomb of pink and fluffiness in the form of Miss Penelope Garcia and Mark finally understood what Emily meant when she said they were a family. More than working together they lived together as a unit, taking care of each other, worrying about each other and being there for each other through everything and against anyone. He understood now why she missed so much this team because from the little he knew of her family she'd never had people to care for her and where she could lean on before meeting these people.

"I wished boss-man was her… it will be so good to have a night out together again! Of course, it won't be the same without my chocolate Adonis but it'll be so fun!" Garcia clapped her hands as they walked into the parking lot and Emily chuckled at her.

"Well, I'm definitely not a chocolate Adonis, but I'm here…" They were startled with a deep voice coming from behind them and Mark's chest tightened at the expression of pure joy that filled his girlfriend's face.

"You came!" She gasped and walked to him, throwing her arms around his neck and hugging him tightly. The man in question was over 6'2 and incredibly fit for a man with his age. He was dressed in dark jeans, a white polo shirt and a black leather jacket and his grin was just as wide as hers as he hugged her back.

"Hi…" He greeted her as they pulled apart and she stepped back, still smiling wide, her eyes shining.

"How's Jack?" She asked and the man beamed at the mention of his son.

"He's okay. He has a strength that startles me sometimes and such a great heart… Roy feels awful with everything and cried while apologizing to him but he just hugged him and told him everything was okay and that everything would be okay…" Hotch said.

"He's just as selfless as his dad…" Emily said quietly and he averted his eyes shyly.

"So, did I hear something about a night out?" He asked and she nodded quickly.

"Yeah, we're eating burritos!" She said and he chuckled. "Oh, let me introduce you. Hotch, this is Mark. Mark, this is Hotch, my former boss…" She said and both men shook hands, the first not really forgetting the lack of title in his introduction.

"It's a pleasure to meet you…" Mark spoke politely and Hotch nodded at him.

"Likewise."

"Can we go now, my lovies?" Garcia asked and everyone nodded, but Mark looked at Emily and shook his head quickly.

"Can I talk to you for a second?" He asked and she nodded with a frown. "She'll be back in a minute. It was really a pleasure to meet you all…" He said, making Emily's frown deepen. He led her a few cars to the side and turned to face her, smiling slightly at her confused face. "I think I'm going to catch that midnight flight to London…"

"Why? I thought we agreed in leaving tomorrow together?" She asked confused and he grabbed her hand with his, using the other to caress her cheek.

"You know I love you, right?" He asked and she nodded. "Ever since the first moment I got to know you I noticed how guarded you were, always protecting yourself, never letting anyone in, not showing emotions, with a strength that impressed me… I fell in love with you so deeply because you fascinated me and every time you smile at me, every time you laugh, every time you kiss me I fall even deeper."

"Mark…" Emily started but he shushed her.

"When I first heard you talking to him, opening yourself to him in a way you never did with me I felt anger and hurt…" He started and her eyes widened. "You spoke so easily and so openly and I envied him because I wanted that, I craved that every day but I never got it. The way you trusted him and the way you looked so peaceful after speaking with him made me feel jealous because I was never able to calm you like that, I was never able to make you feel that way. You always brushed my worries off and told me you were okay and I thought, hey, it's okay, she just doesn't trust people with some things and I have to give her time. But then you called him, on your own will, and you told him everything, as if it was the most natural thing in the world. It hurt, babe, it hurt a lot. But it was enough to make me see that I was never able to get you, I was never able to get through you, to be enough…"

"That's not…" She protested, tears in her eyes already.

"It's not your fault, Emily. I know you tried, God, I do. I saw you trying every day, but there're certain things we can't control. I'm not even sure you realize that, or if you just ignore it, afraid of being true. But the joy I saw in her eyes when that man came in, Em… I never saw such happiness in your face and even though it kills me to say that, I need to understand that I'll never have that… you're taken. Even though you deny it, even though you ignore it, you're taken. And I can't compete with that. I can't compete with what-could-have-been. I can't compete with your dreams, Emily. I'll never live up to it…" He said with tiredness in his voice and the tears started to fall down her cheeks.

"Mark, don't say that…" She pleaded but he shushed her again, one finger on her lips.

"I'm not giving up on you. I love you." He said firmly. "But I love you enough to let you try to get what will make you happy. I love you enough to let you try… did you ever hear that say, if you love something, you let it go, and if it's really mean to be yours it will come back to you…" He said, brushing her tears away. "I'm letting you go. I want you to try. I want you to come back to London knowing for sure that you want me or that you won't be able to return my feelings. I deserve that, Emily, and you do too." He said and took one look at her friends, who were watching them curiously, eyes resting for a few seconds at the dark haired man.

"Mark…" Emily pleaded once more but he smiled at her and leaned down to kiss her cheek before stepping away.

"Try, Emily. And if you're sure, come back to me…" He said. "And if not, be happy. You deserve everything that's good…"

Emily watched her boyfriend walk away with tears in her eyes and then looked down, her breath catching as she remembered his words. She sneaked a glance at her friends and saw them watching her closely. Her head was spinning and she had no idea what she was supposed to do now but one thing she knew for sure.

As much as she hated herself for it, he was right.

He was right and that scared her.

And she didn't know what to do now.

 **A/N: I don't know how it is the name of the agent on Emily's case, so I made it up. Sorry.**

 **Yes, before you ask, there will be a sequel of this. I just didn't want to put them together here because this was so much Mark and it seemed unfair and unreal to me.**

 **I'd love to hear a word from you, so please, leave some reviews... they make me really happy.**


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